Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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