It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
