I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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