Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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