At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
