Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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