I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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