i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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