i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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