There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
