In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
