Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
