Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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