I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My penis needs a shock collar
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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