He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
