In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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