Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
