is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
