i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
