I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
