here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
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I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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