New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
