I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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