Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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