i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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