You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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