He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Vodka?
Forever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
