In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
