At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i drank out of a bidet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
