apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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