I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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