U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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