And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
