butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
