White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
