i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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