I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
