well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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