Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I party with great urgency now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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