Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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