Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect