Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.