I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize