i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
