Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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