Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
