Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
