You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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