I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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