4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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