I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
