I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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