My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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