By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
