My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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