I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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