He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
two words...techno handjob
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You did what with his pubic hair?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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