Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
