you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
