I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My penis needs a shock collar
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And then he peed in my hair
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