I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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