Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
